Sacred Similes: Religion is Like....

By David Ryser

I sincerely believe that institutional, religious Christianity has probably done more to hinder the ideals of Jesus than any other agency in the world.  (Fil Anderson)

I love similes.  There’s just something about them that fires my imagination.  And a simile can be a great teaching tool.  The teacher can explain a new concept by likening it to something that is familiar to the student.  Then the teacher makes the connection between the old and the new, and the student more fully understands the new.

As a master teacher, Jesus used similes to explain the Kingdom of God.  He would begin His lesson by saying, “The Kingdom of God/Heaven is like….”  And then He would talk about sheep, birds, flowers, vineyards, wedding feasts, etc.

When teaching about the Kingdom of God, Jesus used more similes than scriptures.  Perhaps we should, also.  If we would follow Jesus’ methodology, I suspect we would be more effective in our preaching and teaching.

So in the spirit of following Jesus’ example, I would like to describe the religious system…and our interaction with it…using similes.

Religion is like a cowboy who goes into town and enters a saloon.  He proceeds to consume a large number of alcoholic beverages.  As the hours go by, he becomes increasingly intoxicated.  His friends decide to play a prank on him.  So they go outside the saloon, untie the cowboy’s horse, retie the horse facing the opposite direction, remove the saddle, and then reattach the saddle backwards onto the horse.

The next day, the cowboy is awakened by the ranch foreman who is kicking his bed and shouting, “Get up, cowboy!  Are you planning to sleep all day?  Get to work!”  The cowboy is jolted awake, and says, “Hey, boss, I’m sorry.  I got in late from town last night, and I was exhausted.”  The foreman asks, “What happened?”  To which the cowboy replies, “Oh, some jerk cut my horse’s head off, and I had to lead him home all the way from town by putting my fingers down his windpipe.”

When we go into the religious saloon (church building) every Sunday and get drunk on religion (the traditional church service), is it any wonder that we wake up a day late, a dollar short, and reeking of  horse manure?

And do we learn from this experience?  Of course not.  When next Sunday rolls around, we do it all over again.

We’re like the two college students who went to the Gulf Coast for spring break.  As they were walking along near the seashore, looking at the shops, they saw a sign that read:  Caribbean Cruise!  Only $50!   So they entered the shop.  The first student paid his money and was directed to go through a door behind the counter.  As he went through the door, he was knocked on the head.  Then he was tied…unconscious…to a log and floated off into the Gulf.

The same scene was repeated for the second student.

Hours later, the students began to regain consciousness.  Their logs had floated so that they were next to one another.  The first student looked over at the second student and asked, “Do they serve meals on this cruise?  I’m starving!”  To which the second student replied. “I don’t think so.   They didn’t last year.”

Are we stuck on stupid?  When will we learn that the solution to ineffective religion is not more ineffective religion?

We go to a traditional church service week after week…expecting to get something out of it…and then sit passively in rows watching a religious production (one that is more or less entertaining).  We may get to sing a bit.  And for sure we are going to dig into our wallets, fairly early in the service (Before the preaching.  This is not an accident.), to pay for the privilege of attending the service again next week.  Then we endure a mind-numbing motivational speech that usually equates to:  “God’s good.  You’re not.  Try harder.”

Just thinking about it gives me the chills.

And so it goes.  Week after week.  We go to “the house of God” expecting to meet with Him.  But He never seems to be there.  If the church building is the house of God (and it isn’t, by the way), then why is He never home?

How rude!  We’re told that we are invited guests to God’s house every week.  And He doesn’t even have the common decency to show up and receive His guests!

So why have I been attending church services lately?  Given my attitude about them, I find it somewhat ironic that for the last two months…at the direction of God…I have found myself sitting in a traditional (and really pathetic) church service every Sunday.  Lest I seem a bit of a hypocrite, I would like to pose the following question:  “If you wanted to break someone out of a prison, where would you go?”

To the prison, of course!

I’m just going to where the prisoners are.  Prisoners of religion.  They’re nice people.  There’s nothing wrong with them that a good jailbreak wouldn’t cure.

And when I go to a traditional church service, I am not going there expecting to get anything.  I’m going there to bring something.  More accurately, I’m going there to bring Someone.  It has been great fun to watch the looks on people’s faces when they feel the Spirit of God in the church service like they haven’t felt Him in years.

Because God and I made a deal.  If I have to go to church, so does He.

And, sooner or later, the people in this church will have to decide whether they want Him to stay.  They will need to make the required changes to accommodate Him.  And if they don’t, He will leave.

And so will I.

Responses to this article are welcomed.  You may contact the author at drdave1545@yahoo.com