By David Ryser
Wonderful, wonderful
Jesus is to me. Counselor, Prince of Peace, Mighty God is He. Saving me,
keeping me from all sin and shame. Wonderful is my redeemer, praise His Name. (Old time Pentecostal worship chorus)
“You’re a very hidden person. You
must be carrying a lot of shame.” These words were spoken to me by a Christian
counselor acquaintance of mine many years ago. I was unable, or unwilling, to
accept the truth of these words at the time due in part to the use of the word
“shame”. This word had become a buzzword in counseling circles, both Christian
and secular; and because of this, it had no assignable meaning to me in this
context. So, I passed over it and failed to deal with it…though I never quite
forgot those words…because it sounded like so much psycho-babble to me.
And then, years later, I got a
brain worm.
I’m told a brain worm is when a
song gets stuck in one’s head and they are unable to get rid of it. Instead,
the song plays over, and over, and over again. Maybe for several minutes…or
days…or weeks…or…. The song was the old time Pentecostal worship chorus quoted
above. It’s a catchy little number, I’ll say that for it. As this song played
repeatedly in my head, I began to consider the words of the chorus. I was particularly drawn to the last word of
the third line.
Shame.
Why did the composer of this chorus
choose the word “shame” at the end of this line? It didn’t make any sense to
me. We all know that Jesus saves and keeps us from sin. This is drilled into us
from the moment we come to faith in Jesus. But shame? Did the composer use the word “shame” because
they needed a word to rhyme with “name” at the end of the fourth line? Or were
they onto something? Something important.
Seeking the answer to this question
led me back to the Garden of Eden.
Immediately after Adam and Eve
partook of the forbidden fruit, their eyes were opened to know good and evil.
They became aware of their own nakedness, sewed some aprons of fig leaves to
cover themselves, and hid among some trees when they heard God taking His daily
evening walk in the garden
They were hiding…a classic symptom
of shame.
God called to Adam, and Adam
answered that he was hiding because he knew he was naked. I am told the Hebrew
word translated “naked” in Genesis 3:10 conveys the thought of being
exposed. We use the word this way even
today when we do, or say, something stupid in public that gets noticed and
describe our subsequent feelings later by saying, “I felt naked in front of
everyone.” As a result of feeling
exposed, Adam was afraid.
Fear of discovery/disapproval/punishment…another
classic symptom of shame.
God confronted Adam with his
sin. Attempting to explain his actions,
Adam threw both Eve and God under the bus by blaming “the woman you gave me”
for his sin (Gen 3:12). He blamed Eve for giving him the forbidden fruit to eat
and blamed God for giving her to him in the first place. Two birds. One stone.
Blame-shifting…another classic
symptom of shame.
And shame has plagued mankind ever
since. We see it in politics/government,
in the corporate world, in our personal lives, and even in our churches.
Need some examples?
At the time of this article’s
writing, the United States is in an election season. Candidates are running for
offices ranging anywhere from the country’s president all the way down to city
council. The lack of transparency, the lies to cover up personal and
professional flaws while accusing the opposition of the very same flaws, and
the refusal to accept personal responsibility by blaming others for their
failures…or, worse yet, pointing to the bad behavior of others to justify their
own bad behavior…runs rampant in the campaigning.
To see supposedly grown adults
behave in this manner is embarrassing…and they want to be our leaders.
The corporate world is no
better. Some time ago, I was visiting
with a person who had been in a position of authority within a corporation who
recounted an incident wherein the administration of this company had made a
serious mistake in judgment to the detriment of the organization. The board of directors was meeting shortly
thereafter, and the members of the administrative team were deliberating how to
address this situation with the board. This person advised total transparency
accompanied by an apology and a plan to remediate the mistake.
His suggestion was rejected. The
board was lied to, and the mistake was covered up. This sort of dishonesty is,
unfortunately, rather common in the corporate world…at all levels.
Our personal lives are a rich
breeding ground for shame to thrive. Our
relationships too many times are a fraud because we hide our true self from
others out of fear of ridicule/disapproval/rejection, and they hide themselves
from us for the same reasons. This is nowhere more apparent than in romantic
relationships. It’s one thing to put forth our best self when trying to woo
another, but we go one step further by presenting ourselves as someone the
other would be interested in…even if it’s not our genuine self. This kind of deceit is poison to an intimate
relationship. Each of us has a need to
be known and accepted/loved. When we hide who we are…and present a self that
doesn’t exist…even if we receive love as a result, it rings hollow to us
because we believe that if the other person knew our real self, we would be
unloved and rejected.
And both parties in the
relationship are spinning the same sort of deceit with the result that they
both fall in love with someone who doesn’t exist. And it doesn’t end well. Too
often the result is experiencing the very rejection both feared. While courting
my wife, I made a promise to her that I would always be honest with her about
who I am so she would know who it was she would be choosing to love or reject.
When it comes to personal
relationships, I would rather be known and rejected than unknown and accepted.
And what about churches? Places of
worship where the people of God come together to love Him and one another.
Where transparency and unconditional love are celebrated and demonstrated.
Where someone is loved and accepted by the others because s/he is loved and accepted
by God…no second validation is required. Surely shame has no place in such a
setting.
Yeah, right.
I know of a church on the brink of
collapse because church leadership has chosen to cover up allegations of
misbehavior involving some of the children in the church. Instead of
investigating these allegations and being honest with the findings and taking
actions to make things right as best they can, leadership have chosen to take
the shame route: deny, cover up, and blame-shift. They’ve even gone so far as to
take legal action against some of those they perceive to be their accusers.
This sham is about to be exposed despite all efforts to cover it up.
I wish this sort of thing was
uncommon in churches. It’s not.
And these shame-driven actions will
end in disaster for the church. Just like it does for anyone else. Shame does
not produce anything good in our lives or bring us closer to God any more than
it did for Adam.
But, like the song says, Jesus has
saved us from shame. The apostle Paul
assured the believers in Rome…and the rest of us wherever we are…that there is
no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus (Rom 8:1). Because of Jesus,
we can stand before God and man without any sense of condemnation, inferiority,
or shame. We are free to be authentic before God and others. While we use
wisdom when sharing ourselves with others, the parts of us we do choose to
reveal can be our genuine selves.
Saving me, keeping me, from all
sin and shame. It’s a great little song, don’t you think?
Responses to this article are
welcomed. You may contact the author at drdave1545@yahoo.com
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