Taking Responsibility: Overcoming Spiritual Abuse

By David Ryser

We live in a world that awards love and respect on the basis of possessions, accomplishments, and reputation.  (Fil Anderson)

The events…or more accurately the non-events…of the last several years of my life are driving some of my Christian friends crazy.  They occasionally ask me what I’m doing for God.  What am I doing with my life and the gifts that God has given me?  They have even suggested that I am failing God and wasting my gifting and anointing by not actively pursuing a ministry of some kind.

Maybe I’m reading the wrong version of the Bible.  In my Bible, I’m not commanded to pursue ministry.  I’m commanded to pursue God.

Anyhow, this season of my life has been a time characterized by dying to self, falling more in love with Jesus, and allowing the Father to form Christ in me so that His life will flow out of me and touch people.  Not real sexy stuff, spiritually speaking.  Most Christians don’t seem too impressed by it.

Maybe if I referred to it as an extreme spiritual makeover….

Recently I’ve experienced a breakthrough emotional healing.  Prior to this, I had been tormented by painful memories of my past failings.  My shame over these events caused me to hide myself and live behind a mask.  This kind of living is hard on relationships…even my relationship with God…because it’s hard to have an honest relationship with me when you can’t even see the real me.

And honesty and transparency are necessary ingredients for intimacy.

Now the shame is gone.  So my conversations with God are more honest.  Actually they might be better described as less diplomatic.  It’s difficult to communicate hard truths to someone when you have to walk on eggshells around them.  Once God took away my shame, He could now speak plainly to me about my shortcomings without being a diplomat about it.

And this in itself has led to other breakthroughs.

For example, I have for the past several years been working to resolve some lingering resentments stemming from having been a member of a spiritually abusive church.  Whenever I’ve tried to talk to God about how I’d been wronged and what rotten rascals those church leaders were, He has steadfastly refused to listen to me.  Once He shut me up by saying about these leaders, “You wouldn’t have done half as well with half as much.”

Needless to say, I wasn’t too pleased with this answer.

As it turns out, God always wanted very much to help me resolve the hurt, anger, and bitterness I was experiencing.  But I couldn’t handle what He needed to say to me yet.  So He continued to work on me until I came to the place where we could talk about this.  When the shame was gone, God could speak into this place in my life.  And I would listen to Him.

What did He say?

Well, He lovingly pointed out that the one big reason I was in a position to be abused in that church was because of flaws in my own character.  Specifically, He said, “You were abused because you were for sale.”

And He was right.

I sold myself.  I sold myself for title, position, recognition, and admiration.  I welcomed the flattery…thrived on it…and believed I was loved and valued.  The leaders of the church did not make me like this.  I was like this when I got there.  They simply took advantage of it.

I was a spiritual prostitute.  And they bought me.  And I got screwed.  Prostitutes get screwed.  It’s an occupational hazard.

And I didn’t even get to keep the stuff I sold myself for!

I have no one to blame but myself…and that’s good news.  It’s good news because the whole point of God bringing this to my attention was to give me insight into the cause of my hurt and to transform my character in this area.  In the process, I have become aware of this potential hazard in my life and the means to overcome it.  This provides me with some immunity to spiritual abuse because I now receive my sense of being loved and valued through my relationship with my heavenly Father.  When I’m walking with God…experiencing His love and approval…man’s flattery and manipulation no longer have a place to hook onto me.

And this transformation of character that protects me from spiritual abuse also makes it possible for me to overcome the temptation to manipulate and abuse others. It’s a win-win deal.

Yea, God!

Recently I received an e-mail from a friend who was particularly in touch with God’s love for her.  She described not only feeling loved, but the things God had done during the course of the day that made her feel valued, special, and loved.  She summed up her experience with God that day by saying, “I not only love that God loves me, I love the way He loves me.”

I know the feeling.

Responses to this article are welcomed.  You may contact the author at drdave1545@yahoo.com